I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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