I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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