the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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