my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
