so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
