did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
