You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
