So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
