I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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