Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
