This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
