I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
