dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
