If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
