Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think my moral compass just broke
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
