I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
