i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
