I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
