11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
