i may or may not be watching the land before time
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
