Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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