Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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