I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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