all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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