JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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