dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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