Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
