theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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