well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she looked like the before picture.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
