you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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