so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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