I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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