hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
