Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
