I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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