Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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