I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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