barbara walters just said penis...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
