I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You've changed since you got that strap on
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