32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
