the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think your dad took our porno
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
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