Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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