I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
