I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
