he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
