They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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