There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
