did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
