After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It was confusing and full of hummus
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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