omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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