Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
