there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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