dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
