thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
