I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
