awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
